Mental Health: Where Do I Put The Bucket?
Mental Health and Me
My struggle with mental health has been going on for as long as I remember. Feeling disconnected, outbursts of rage, intrusive thoughts, periods of deep depression, severe anxiety have all been phases I’ve gone through in my life. I’ve been to doctors, taken medication, been to homeopathic specialists, tried alternative medications, had various types of healing, prayed, tried various readings and rituals, been to counselling and had psychotherapy, and more. They have all helped at various stages, depending where I have been at.
After I started to self harm again last year, I realised I was at that point again where I needed help and reached out to a service I’ve used previously, a local NHS talking therapy service. I’ve had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with them in the past and found it an incredibly useful tool. I had an assessment and was put on a waiting list. A few months later, during a very emotional time, I still hadn’t heard anything so I reached out again, and got a phone call from one of the ladies at the service. She informed me I was still on a waiting list. I explained how my intrusive thoughts can affect me and she started to give me a list of various services to speak to in an emergency.
“I don’t want a quick fix,” I said to her, “I don’t want a bucket to catch the rain when it leaks in, I want to fix the roof so it doesn’t leak anymore!”
It was frustrating. I’ve often felt like I’m in a cycle where I’m fine, then I’m struggling, then I get help, then I’m fine again, then I’m struggling again…it never ends.
I often wondered if there was something wrong with me. If I was just living life wrong, if that’s even possible! How was it that everybody else seemed to be gliding through life, knowing what they wanted, finding friends, holding down jobs and basically making it look easy while I was having times when I couldn’t step out of my front door without a panic attack?!
The Role of The Soul in Mental Health
As time has gone on, with the help of developing my psychic and mediumistic abilities, I’ve realised that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Some people are just hiding it better than me! Some people are happy to float along on a pretty surface level and don’t give themselves the chance to duck their head underneath and see all the rubbish that’s accumulated in the murky waters below.
When I read someone psychically, my Soul is connecting with another Soul. I often get a sense of deja vu, or I feel quite emotional because my Soul recognises another Soul having a similar experience. This is where a lot of folks might talk about protection, however the Soul needs no protection. The Soul is a completely pure essence and cannot be tarnished, taken away or damaged in any way, shape or form. The Soul itself is not the problem…it’s the human casing that surrounds it that makes things a bit more tricky. The human mind is a complex and brilliant piece of biology, capable of driving our bodies, of remembering events, people, places from long ago, and getting us through our daily lives. It is also clever enough to come to it’s own conclusions and beliefs. Conclusions and beliefs that may not be good for us. Whether that’s a person or an incident that hurts us and scars us, whether we read or see something that scares or angers us, all these things are contributing to the core belief system in our minds that we have about ourselves and the rest of the world.
This is why no amount of Reiki, or cord-cutting, or any kind of Spiritual healing cures everything. Yes, we can experience a sense of joy and release, we feel that connection to our Soul when this kind of deep healing happens, but unless we address exactly WHY this healing is needed, it will all come back around again soon enough. The Soul whispers, whilst the mind shouts. And it’s a lot easier to hear the mind shouting than it is the subtle gentle whisper of the Soul.
So where do I put my bucket?!
Healing is a wonderful supplement when we are struggling with mental health, but it’s important to acknowledge that mental illness is a symptom of the mind, not the Soul. Through having psychotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and a regular reflective journaling practice, I’ve found ways to recognise when my mental health is deteriorating so I can reflect, trace it to why and deal with that in whatever way I can.
Like healing though, everything we use to treat these symptoms is temporary. And you can guarantee that once you patch up one part of the roof, the rain will find another crack to leak in. Such is the journey of life, there will always be more rain on the horizon. There will always be challenges, in the form of challenging people and workplaces, we’ll face losing people we love, and we’ll experience disruption and uncertainty in our lives. The important thing is that we can recognise it, we don’t look for the quick fix and we learn how to deal with it.
For me personally, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) has given me a fantastic tool to help me with my mental health. I also try to take one day at a time, practice mindfulness, go for lots of long walks and I journal daily. And, perhaps most importantly, I know who to reach out to when it all becomes too much. I know who will be there to pass me the bucket when the storm hits hard, whether it’s a friend, a professional or a family member. That’s the best thing we can do.
If you’re struggling right now, please remember this…
You’re not broken. You’re not wrong. You’re an incredible beautiful Soul having a Human experience. Find what works for you, and find the people who can help you with that bucket.
